There's a common question that circulates in the self-development community: "Why do I keep attracting toxic people?" It's a question that inadvertently places blame on yourself, as if you're somehow responsible for the types of people who enter your life.
Here's the truth: You cannot control who you attract.
Think about it. There are billions of people on this planet, and the reality is that most of them haven't done the inner work required for healthy relationships. When you're doing your own healing and personal development, you're operating on a different energetic level. This naturally draws people to your light, your energy, and your wisdom.
The Question You Should Be Asking Instead
Instead of asking why you attract certain people, ask yourself: "Why am I allowing them to stay in my life?"
This shift in perspective is powerful because it:
Puts you back in control
Acknowledges your agency in relationships
Focuses on what you can actually change
Sometimes, people enter our lives for karmic reasons or to teach us important lessons about self-love. The reason doesn't matter as much as your response to their presence.
Think of Yourself as a Spiritual Home
As you level up and do more inner work, people will naturally want a part of what you have. But think of yourself as a spiritual home:
Some people shouldn't even be allowed to enter
Others shouldn't be allowed to stay past their welcome
You decide who gets access to your energy, time, and resources
The Universal Regret
When I look back on all my past relationships—romantic, friendship, or business—the one consistent thing I would change is that I should have left sooner.
I gave too much of my time and energy to people who were simply taking without giving back. Those relationships that lasted years should have ended after months, or even weeks.
This is the most common regret you'll hear from people who stayed in toxic or unfulfilling relationships: "I should have left sooner."
Taking Your Power Back
When someone is emotionally unavailable, what they're really doing is draining your energy—taking without giving. Taking your power back means having enough self-love and self-respect to remove yourself from situations that:
Don't bring you value
Don't support you
Don't help you grow
You're not telling the other person they're not good enough or that they'll never change. You're simply choosing yourself and your well-being.
The Reality Check
Most people operate with a mindset of "What can I get from this person?" rather than "What can I give?" That's just the reality.
It's up to you to uphold your boundaries and empower yourself. The good news is that you don't need years to figure out if someone is right for you—you only need months, sometimes even weeks.
Give yourself exactly what you've been hoping to get from others. Ultimately, the only person you can truly count on to meet your needs is yourself.
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