We all get triggered. Every single one of us. It's part of being human.
The difference between emotionally secure people and those who struggle isn't about whether we get triggered—it's about how quickly we move from a disempowered state back to an empowered one.
The Track of Emotional Recovery
Think of emotional triggers like running an autocross track. When faced with a challenging situation:
A secure person:
Feels the initial panic ("I can't do this")
Acknowledges their fear
Self-regulates their emotions
Takes their time to observe and process
Moves forward while fully experiencing their emotions
Celebrates their accomplishment afterward
Shows self-compassion throughout the process
They complete the emotional journey rapidly, moving from trigger to empowerment in a relatively short time. They understand the track was difficult but recognize they navigated it successfully. Their emotional system registers: "We survived, and we're stronger for it."
An insecure person:
Gets stuck at the starting line, paralyzed by fear
Lets their trauma "run the show"
Overanalyzes and overthinks every aspect
Makes the challenge more difficult than it needs to be
Often doesn't even attempt the track
If they do complete it, they criticize themselves harshly
Remains in a state of "I'm not enough"
The distance between trigger and recovery can stretch into days, weeks, months—sometimes years. Some never reach an empowered state at all, continuously cycling through self-criticism and limitation.
The Misconception About Security
There's a common misconception that emotionally secure people don't get triggered. We look at them and think, "She's always calm and collected. Nothing bothers her."
This couldn't be further from the truth.
Secure people still experience triggers. We still feel deeply. I personally have profound abandonment triggers that will always be part of me. My "little girl" inside will always get triggered by certain situations.
The difference is that I understand what I need to do when triggered. I don't allow the trigger to control my life or dictate my actions.
The storm of emotion hits us all. Resilience isn't about avoiding the lightning—it's about knowing you can dance in the rain until the sun returns
The Path to Empowerment
My challenge to you is this: How can you change your patterns to move more efficiently from disempowered to empowered?
And here's the critical part—don't be harsh on yourself about how long it takes.
If a secure person runs the emotional autocross track in a minute, and you need an hour, that's completely fine. What matters is that you eventually bring yourself back to an empowered state.
Many people beat themselves up with thoughts like: "It's been months since I started feeling this way" or "I've been stuck for years." This kind of self-criticism only keeps you in the disempowered state longer.
The key is to never stop moving forward. Don't run halfway through the track, turn off your engine, and sit there for years. Keep going, no matter how slowly. Accept your pace, but maintain your momentum.
The Power of Self-Compassion
The greatest tool in shortening the distance between trigger and empowerment is self-compassion:
Acknowledge your emotions without judgment
Allow yourself to feel what you feel
Speak kindly to yourself throughout the process
Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small
Remember, emotional resilience isn't about never getting triggered—it's about finding your way back to empowerment with increasing efficiency and kindness toward yourself.
Your triggers may always be there, but they don't have to run your life.
Comments